Flöca Flöca



''"I used to make fun of Floca Floca, then I got shot in the dick." -lel, stupid victim''

Floca Floca (stylized Flöca_Flöca) is a puertorrican terrorist organization and hacktivist group founded on November 15, 2013. They primally focused on ganging up on civilians, stealing their pants, and force feeding them beans, but later on they became a huge political party. Floca Floca members can be distinguished in public by the wearing of Shy Guy masks and hooded jackets.

Origin
The group originated on Q4 2013 and they officially started calling themselves Floca Floca approximately on Noverber 15, 2013. The reason for foundation was mostly for the lulz. First they worked around objectives mostly centered on amusement and dark humor pranks. However, a few months after their inicial stunts is when things started getting really interesting.

Initial Raids (2014-2015)
In the beginnings of Floca Floca the group was mainly composed of roughly 10 bored high school students who just wanted to get their dose of lol's and rofl's. On their first mission: Operation H.E.R.P.E.S. (Hitting Everyone Right on the PEniS) they successfully shot 6 teachers, 27 students, and 3 police officers right in the dick. Initially they planned on using statically charged Nerf guns, but then decided on using tostones as main ammunition (which later became a huge symbol of the organization). They later had a few other successful operations such as S.W.A.F.F.E.L.E.N., B.U.T.T.H.O.L.E., and B.L.U.E.B.A.L.L.S.

After those first operations, Floca Floca had gained lots of new members because of the rapid increase in popularity. There were also a few non-member followers that cheered on the group even though they were too much of a pussy to actually take part in the missions. Around February 28, 2014, Floca Floca now consisted of 341 members. On that date the leader of Floca Floca was code named "Jigglybra" for the sake of secrecy. They had also structured their group under a sort of hierarchy to politically structure an order of authority in the group. (For more information on the Floca Floca hierarchy, click here.) 

After completely structuring the organization, Jigglybra divided it into groups of 5 to launch attacks all over Puerto Rico. On March 19, 2014 (date of the Queen of Englad's death) they launched Operation G.O.A.T.S.E. (Go Over All The island and Steal Everyone's pants). They victoriously stole 1,702 pants, shat on 243 backyards, teabagged 35 politicians, choked 757 people with beans, and shot 120,893 people in the dick. Because of these attacks, Floca Floca won nationwide recognition and were now hunted by the police. When Jigglybra heard the news he decided to launch attacks directly at the government. Later on he divided the organization (which now consisted of over 750 members) into groups again, this time on different amounts and spread them around the Metropilitan Area, these attacks were later known as the Friday the 13th Revolution since they took place on June 13, 2014. After a few stolen pants groups 24 and 25 raided the Capitol and force feeded the senators with beans, then proceeded to shit right in front of them. This made the whole senate want to fart, and they did. The whole stench was so unbearable that everyone in the room died except the Floca Floca members because they were wearing gas masks under the Shy Guy masks. Meanwhile, groups 42 and 35 were attacking La Fortaleza. They shot all the guards on the dick and stole their pants. After successfully breaking in Main Nigga Caco threw a tostón like a shuriken and chopped the governor's head off like a badass. Floca Floca had taken over Puerto Rico.

Changes in Government
After the Friday the 13th Revolution, Floca Floca had completely taken over the island. The whole Puerto Rican government was substituted by the Floca Floca hierarchy. The island was now ruled by dictator Jigglybra and the Puerto Rican National Guard was now commanded by General Main Nigga Caco. The whole island was also restructured. La Perla substituted San Juan as capital of the country and all the 78 municipalities were put under 10 districts which were ruled by the Pimp Niggas. Jigglybra assigned some members of the Wigger Police to serve as mayors for each municipality of the districts. The Niggus were now the new senate and the Wiggurs were put to be in charge of the barrios.

Rise of the Puerto Rican Empire (2016-present)
The United States were unsure on how to deal with the Puerto Rican situation. The news about the Revolution quickly spread all over the country and started this feeling of unease. Concurrently in April 1, 2016 under the command of Jigglybra, Main Nigga Caco sent out Floca Floca troops overseas and successfully took over the Dominican Republic (now merged with Haiti and dubbed Ano Island) and Cuba. This kickstarted the surge of the new Puerto Rican Empire. Jigglybra was now Emperor Jigglybra I.

Opposition to the empire led to an insurrection. Many people wanted the old government back and were against Jigglybra's way of doing things. The insurrection was started by a group called the #Masturbadores_Crónicos on August 4, 2016 which gained some following but the group was rather small. The group leader, Federico, had his pants stolen by the Wigger Police and was later exiled on September 21. Federico went to live in the United States and formed a rebellious group with his followers called the Pubic-Hair Neckbeards on October 30. Operations from the Pubic-Hair Neckbeards usually consisted of shoving potatoes up the asses of inoccent bystanders. They quickly gained fame around the country as the group grew bigger. People usually joined the group through online imageboards such as 4chan and 7chan. After a few attacks the group gained massive following and it now consisted of 920+ members.

Meanwhile, Jigglybra now focused on future plans. He allied with Anonymous and launched a cyber attack on the United States two weeks after Federico's exile. Secret documents were successfully stolen and Floca Floca now possessed the technology to control the minds of animals with small brains. Main Nigga Caco along with a few military troops were sent out to Antartica. When they got to Antartica they established a new scientific research and military base. They called it the Puertorrican Science and Technology Administration (PASTA). Mind control experiments were done on the local penguins and soldiers had them go through military training. After training the penguins as warriors they escaped to Argentina on narwhals, where they raped a bunch of people unexpectedly and then shot them in the dick with tostones. Nobody expected penguin guerrillas so the president was easily raped/shot in the dick and surrendered to the penguins. Jigglybra then claimed Argentina as part of their territory. The Puerto Rican Empire expanded and now owned Argentina and part of Antartica. They used this strategy on future attacks and the Penguin Mercenaries raided other South American countries. Floca Floca conquered Uruguay, Paraguay, Chile, and Bolivia in January 2017.

The Pubic-Hair Neckbeards kept growing rapidly as well. As of February 2, 2017 the group consisted of 1,500,000 members compared to the 2,140,000 members of Floca Floca. After shoving two potatoes up the president's ass, the Pubic-Hair Neckbeards took over USA. Federico then found out of lots of Area 51 experiments like how to make pigs fly and proceded to launch attacks on Mexico with mutated flying pigs and catapulted cows. Mexicans saw the mere absurdness of the situation and laughed to death. Federico then claimed Ecuador, Colombia, Peru, and Brazil the same way. The American Empire was formed on December 21, 2018. Federico was now Emperor Federico I.

Influence on Other Countries
As these new superpowers rise other countries start to fear their fate. Wondering if they'll ever lose power or just lose their culture. On July 22, 2019 the United Kingdom, along with other European and African countries formed an alliance called the European Union. Which consisted of the United Kingdom, Ireland, most African countries, and all the countries from Spain to Turkey. (See more info on the European Union here .)

Eastern countries didn't want to give europe so much power. Instead they decided to make their own alliance, the Chinese Federation. Which countries ranged from Saudi-Arabia to China, Africa, the Phillipines, and Indonesia. (See more info on the Chinese Federation here .) 

The Floca Floca-Neckbeard War
Both the Puerto Rican Empire and the American Empire wanted to claim Venezuela to get the oil reserves. This conflict plus the fact that Federico was so fucking gay that Jigglybra hated his guts (he was quoted saying: "I should've shot him in the dick when I exiled him, fucking feggit"), spurred what was known as the Floca Floca-Neckbeard War. It started on August 16, 2019 when Jigglybra sent out penguin troops out to Florida. When Federico heard of this he sent out his Flying Pig Squad (FPS) to Puerto Rico. Both attacks ended in failiure, the penguins died from the hot weather and the mutant flying pigs only got to eat 37 puerto rican civilians before getting completely obliterated by the Puerto Rican National Guard.

Both emperors were infuriated by their moronic attempts. Jigglybra sent out human troops from Cuba to Mexico, but meanwhile Federico wanted to kill Jigglybra himself so he secretly sneaked into Puerto Rico wearing a Floca Floca outfit. After shoving two potatoes up each the guards' buttholes, Jigglybra knew he was none other that Federico. Federico then took out a potato from his pocket and looked at Jigglybra in the eyes. Jigglybra smiled at his gayness thinking that he's probably was gonna say something really cliché right now...and he did. Federico went on to say: "Your reign ends now!" Jigglybra started laughing amusingly. Federico then strategically threw the potato thinking it would bounc

e off the wall and enter through Jigglybra's ass and kill him. But then Jigglybra proceded to say: "Ira getting for Satan that." then quickly tossed a tostón and it sliced right through the potato, bounced off rthe floor and then turned back like a boomerang and entered Federico's asshole. Then it went through his intestines and

right into his heart, killing him instantly. Later he chopped his tiny dick off and sold it on ebay for $100,000. But on that day August 20, 2019 is when Floca Floca won the war and the American Empire was eliminated along with the Pubic-Hair Neckbeards. The United States, parcially Central America, the caribbean, and South America, were all part of the Puerto Rican Empire now.

Acquisition of Canada

Few days prior to the Floca Floca-Neckbeard War, Jigglybra became aware of the recent alliances forming around the planet and knew that something big was coming up. In order to stay in power he needed more control. He then went on to get command over all of America. His first target was Canada. After some negotiations the Creamy Treaty was signed on September 1, 2019. Canada was now aquired as a Vassal State in exchange of military protection and Golden Maple Syrup. Influence of their own was later bargained with a Silver Maple Syrup trade.

Conquering the West
The rest of Central America was easier to claim, Jigglybra threatened to place lego blocks on the doorsteps of each president's office. All remaining countries relinquished their land to Floca Floca out of utter fear, countries were acquired on September 20, 2019. Jigglybra then instituted toll booth charges directed at Puerto Rican Empire profit in the Panama Canal a few days later.

On September 26, Main Nigga Caco sent out penguin troops over to Greenland using narwhals as vehicles. The penguins dived underwater and struck from underground in a surprise attack. They were unstoppable. The penguins ended up stealing 5,490 pants, raping 318 people, force feeded 402 Inuits with beans, and shot 49,012 in the dick. Later on they proceeded to shit on the Prime Minister's face and penetrated the Queen with a narwhal's horn right up the anus. Floca Floca took control of Greenland and consequently the whole western hemisphere.

Internal Conflicts
People from lots of countries were not happy with the current turn of events. Citizens of the Puerto Rican Empire wanted to keep their culture instead of being influenced by Floca Floca's reign. The same with people in the European Union and the Chinese Federation. They were concerned about losing their identity as a country. Thus, a new sense of nationalism was rising all over the globe. Lots of parades and riots started surging everywhere. Jigglybra thought of these actions were amusing, so he satirized them by dividing the Puerto Rican National Guard in a few groups and made them march naked accross a few respective territories in the Empire. Marching while waving their penises in a helicopter motion and dancing to Watagatapitusberry.